My heart is limping this week.
I read that phrase on a blog yesterday…the writer wrote that her soul was limping.
I know exactly how she feels when she says that. I’m feeling like that right now.
My instinct when I feel this way is to hide under the covers and cry. Throw a little (or maybe even a big) pity party. Wrestle with questions I’ll not likely ever know the answers to. Eat lots and lots of comfort foods like chocolate cupcakes with thick, gooey peanut butter frosting and homemade bread with loads of butter. Real butter, not Parkay.
But crying and hiding out and overeating only gets me so far. Eventually I have to get out of bed and face the daylight. That’s when the real soul-searching starts, and that’s when it gets hard.
Working through life is tough. And the circumstances I had to face recently are hard and ugly and have left me limping. Feeling un-whole. Not okay. Wondering why and if and for how long.
But here’s what I think I am learning as I limp around this week. What I am going through is terrible. It hurts. But it’s necessary because it’s making me ready.
Ready to love more.
Ready to help others.
Ready to look outside of myself.
Ready for things I can’t even imagine.
And while that realization doesn’t make my limp disappear, it gives my limp a purpose. And a peace. During weeks like this, knowing that I’m being made ready for what He has planned for me is what gets me through.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.